Facebook Owner is secretly a Perv, check it out

How to miserable. & now I'm confused

I feel like this wasn't very well thought out

While doing laundry a tiny sandal falls out of my clothes

Aww cute kitty lol help me caption this, what should it say underneath this picture?

Start coffee, play piano while waiting, increase body temperature. Now I feel good, coffee is done, but have to clean up cat puke first

Quick, I need sleep. What is within arms length of u that u could hit me in the head with & knock me out?